An Ode To Kiruna

By the incredibly talented Amanda Shaw!

Manchester airport raring to go

With beer for breakfast (it’s the law don’t you know)

To embark on our journey of dog sledding fun

Our five day adventure had finally begun

The girls bags fit to burst, had we all brought enough?

Think Ste had forgotten to pack half his stuff

In Kiruna we landed, snow blinding our eyes

To be greeted by Gaynor with our first big surprise

A ride with the dogs straight away, what a thrill

But first to get togged up like Eskimo Bill

Then away to the lodge through the dark snowy track

We knew there and then there was no going back

Settled in the Lodge for a welcome hot meal

Moose chilli served up for a real Arctic feel

Instructions and jobs were given out to the team

No kick offs in sight, or so it would seem

 Off to the cabin with our own teams in tow

Within minutes Amanda was lying in snow

Arrived at the cabin with our bones still in tact

No frost bite, no rows and none of us sacked

The cabin was bathed in a candlelit glow

Warm drinks, roaring fire, ‘til David said “No,

This is far too inviting, you shouldn’t relax

Go out and do chores till you all break your backs”

 

By now we were starting to all feel at home

(‘Til Jacquie misplaced her backcombing comb)

Our spirits were high, not a shadow of doom

If Claire could find the filteration room!

Fishing in the ice sounded easy and fun

Holes drilled, five, fish caught, one

We feared we would starve, what were we do?

Thank goodness for Clara and her reindeer stew

 

We mastered the sledding but on the way home

Julie’s dogs seem to follow a map of their own

And while Jacquie got sidetracked adjusting her hat

Her dogs weren’t hanging around for chat

There was so much snow, the cold didn’t abate

But an ice cold beer in the sauna was great

A fantastic treat before our meal

And an Arctic roll to make us squeal

(Yes, even you boys, we heard you when we were feeding the dogs!)

 We set off on a trail one dark, starry night

What lay up ahead, was an igloo in sight?

A quiz about Sweden, who would be the winner?

Then into the igloo for some blindfolded dinner

And so it proceeded without any drama

‘Til David ate an egg and Dale a banana

The kicking off started as per Suzanne’s prediction

Who’d have thought a banana could cause this much friction!

The pair soon made up and were laughing until

They noticed things had gone downhill

With throats that were burning and eyes that were stinging

Ste and Jacquie eating fish that was proper minging!

An overnight stay was hard to resist

And to warm us all up we just had to get pissed

Around the camp fire we drank, laughed and sang

To any onlooker, a right happy gang

 Fast forward five hours there was less of the glee

We were all freezing cold and needed a wee

Morning came round, we reluctantly fled

Wandered dazed to the cabin and ready for bed

No time for a rest there was chores to be done

Milos has less mercy than Atilla the Hun

Poop duty for some on the day we were leaving

Adam was horrified, Dale was heaving

No dodging this task for our bearded twins

Poop had to be scooped and put in the bins

There were dogs to be harnessed and sleds to prepare

With that lingering rotten fish whiff in the air

Our final sled back with no time to lose

Back to the lodge for some soup and a snooze

Then a snowmobile ride, a speed demon’s delight

Think Steven had next years Grand Prix in sight

 

Some didn’t drive, we were tired and achy

When we stopped off for tea Claire was wired and shaky!

And one lasting memory that will be hard to shift

Is seeing Dale and Jacquie capsize in a drift

Saying goodbye to the dogs was a drag

If only we could fit just a few in our bag

But we didn’t have time to dwell on our woes

It was off to a hotel – and near normal clothes!

 The bed was so soft we would sleep like the dead

And Amanda could rid of that dreadful bed head

So to celebrate the end of our wonderful vacation (sorry David, team building exercise)

We dressed up to re-enter civilisation

 

A five course bonanza with a wine for each dish

Reindeer and pine shoots and non-rotting fish

The meal was fantastic, the atmosphere high

As we relived adventures of five days gone by

But the night was far from over yet

Next a bar bill to rival the national debt

It was laughter non-stop in the bar that last night

Until Dale nearly got himself into a fight

 So even without our lucky egg

None of us broke an arm or a leg

We handled our dogs day after day

Although we couldn’t stop Bono from running away

We faced our fear, we cleaned up muck

Jacquie gave up straighteners, Caroline said F***

Jeanette controlled the dogs, she really was a star

And Ste took out a mortgage to buy beer at the bar

Now I’m not an ecologist or a soothsayer

But I doubt Claire damaged the ozone layer

Julie used her She Wee, while the rest went in the bin

We did the Hokey Kokey and put our whole selves in!